I’m writing this blog post from my living room couch, wrapped up in a warm blanket, voice as hoarse as can be, sniffles glalore, and intense pressure in my head. Needless to say, today is a sick day for this girl (not very fun at all). I was supposed to work this morning, but there was no way I could expect my body to carry me throughout a full five-hour shift, let alone spend five hours talking to and waiting on guests. I had to tap into body kindness today, allowing myself to truly take it easy and simply rest.
Before I launch into the main content of this post, I wanted to extend an apology to all of my readers for not being as actice on my blog recently. A lot has been going on (which I will further explain in this post), and I’ve been trying to balance all of the changes occurring in my life. I genuinely do want to be more active on my blog and on my Instagram, but I also need to be mindful of maintaining a balance between taking care of myself and attending to matters in my daily life aside from social media. Just two months ago, I was detoxing from social media almost entirely. Fast-forward to now, and it’s as though I went from 0-100: Staring a blog, active on Instagram, Twitter, and promoting myself on my Facebook all at once. It’s been a lot to try to balance, so please forgive me for not being as active on here.
All right, now that my apology is out-of-the-way, it’s time that I get to the nitty-gritty content of this post. As I’ve been working on my Instagram and surrounding myself with accounts that promote balanced health, wellness, recovery, and overall well-being, I’ve been reflecting more on my own personal journey–what wellness and recovery mean to me, the life I desire to lead, and the things I want for myself. I’ve found accounts that inspire me, encourage me, and help me cultivate a better idea of what I want for myself in my life. I’ve reached out to certain individuals, thanking them for sharing their genuine, authentic hearts filled with wisdom, insight, and positivity. In reaching out, I noticed that I was extending a hand out in the hopes of receiving insight and words of encouragement from this community of wonderful individuals.
As I reflect on the past three weeks of my life in an authentic, honest manner, I know that I’ve slipped. I’ve placed self-care on the back-burner once again, doing all I can to be busy, productive, and scheduled. After spending three months working on myself and reaching a better state both physically and mentally, I would be dishonest if I said that I didn’t feel a sense of discouragement, guilt, shame, and failure. However, as I’ve spent time wallowing in those negative feelings, I’ve noticed that it’s actually doing more harm than good. Feeling discouraged and guilty for slipping isn’t helping me reestablish my footing, stand back up, and work on my balance again; dwelling in the negative thoughts is only serving to keep me stuck, scared, and defeated. And that–like sick days–is not fun.
In light of this honest reflection of my personal process and journey, I’ve been seeking more support from inspirational sources–the wellness and recovery community of Instagram, bloggers, and vloggers–in an effort to help realign myself with two of my core values: Vitality and balance. I’ve also been open and honest with my treatment team, putting forth more of an effort in my sessions and creating structured plans regarding emotion regulation, coping mechanisms, and trying to practice balanced nutrition. In addition to me seeking greater external support, I’ve also been turning inward to try to manifest my own internal motivation, desire, strength, and insight. I’ve been able to deepen this connection with my intuitive self by reading books focused on personal freedom, spiritual healing, the energy of The Universe, and body kindness. The three books I’ve recently had my nose stuck in are listed below:
The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz
The Universe Has Your Back, Gabrielle Bernstein
Body Kindness, Rebecca Scritchfield
Each of these pieces has helped shed greater light on the importance of cultivating internal motivation. I notice that I have many external motivators when it comes to embracing recovery and bettering my overall wellnes: Graduating college, pursuing graduate school, my aspiration to help others in my future career, personal relationships, family, having my own family one day, establishing a healthier relationship with my body, nourishment, and exercise, and so on. I’m not lacking whatsoever in terms of external motivation; it’s the internal motivation that becomes a topic of difficulty.
As I’ve worked through the above books, I’ve been able to collect various takeaways that assist in my effort toward manifesting my internal motivation. Currently, the most prevalent source of my internal motivation comes from a place of love, gratitude, and appreciation for my brain. I wholeheartedly value learning, engaging in, and expressing new knowledge, ideas, facts, and discoveries. There are few things in this life that excite me more than discovering new facts and findings, and my innate ability to articulate said discoveries to others. As a college student involved in the world of academia, I experience a feeling of purpose and belonging in that environment. I absolutely cherish learning, knowledge, and my intellectual abilities.
With that being said, I feel that I need to share a tidbit of information that was relayed to me by one of my doctors, which relates to what I just shared about my current source of internal motivation. During one of our initial appointments, she shared with me that under-eating and not taking proper care of our bodies does more damage than perceived by the naked eye. She further explained how depleted nutrition can quite literally kill neurons in our brain, ultimately leading to a decrease in brain mass. When I heard this from my doctor, it hit me a like an overloaded freight train–I’m doing damage to my brain? The very thing I place such high value in? As I’ve continued to work with this doctor, I find myself reminding myself often of how important it is to continuously work toward taking care of my body–even when it feels like an imposibly daunting task–because in doing so, I’m also helping take care of my most prized possession: My brain.
So, as I type out this honest, authentic, vulnerable post, I’m experiencing quite an array of emotions. For starters, I feel rather exposed, but not in a negative manner, so to speak. If anything, I hope that my honesty will help others tap into their own authenticity in their personal journeys toward recovery, healing, and wellness. I want this blog to be a place to share my journey with others, and if I’m not being 100% authentic in my posts, I’m doing a disservice to both my readers and myself. My hope for my blog, website, and Instagram is to inspire others to be vulnerable and authentic in their own personal journeys, to feel comfortable reaching out without fear of judgment when they need help, and to look inward at what healing and recovery means at an individual level. Iam aware that I myself am still working on defining what recovery and wellness means to me, and I learn more and more about myself with each passing day–triumphs, obstacles, detours and all. In my decision to trust the process of my journey, I am able to continue to manifest my mindset with my daily mantra: One day at a time.